Soul Mates

Sep. 6th, 2009 12:23 am
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I do not believe I have a soul mate--one person I'm somehow destined to connect to and spend my life with.

In addition to seeming far-fetched, the notion is downright depressing. If my soul mate gets in an accident and dies, or is pushed to marry the 'wrong' person, I'm left in the cold. Well, that just sounds fantastic, doesn't it!

But I believe that all humans are like colors...that is to say, some colors will strongly resonate together to make a beautiful complementary connection--others will clash, even to the point of straining the eye. Likewise, I believe humans will have people with whom they feel a very strong bond. To me, that is what the word soul mate means. And it's certainly not restricted to romance.

I know I have many soul mates...and I have met and connected to at least a few. For example, B, whom I mentioned in my previous post. He and I have such a strong resonance together. We intuitively know one another's feelings, we support each other, we are better for our interactions. B is the only person who lives near me whom I feel so completely comfortable with. I have loved B for a long time, and I will continue to love him. That isn't to say I want him to be my boyfriend; I'm sure we'd make a fairly awful couple, in the traditional sense. But he has forever changed my life, and I will never be able to forget him and the influences he has had on me. Likewise, I know he feels similarly about me. We have bonded in many ways. For years, we have been friends, and for much of that time we were in similar relationships and we were able to grow in our relationships together as we experienced the same milestones. When I found my life change during a break up, I didn't grow away from the friend I had made; instead, he supported me, helped give me perspective, allowed himself to be available for me when found myself in need of emotional intimacy. And when we both found ourselves desiring physical intimacy, we were able to bond through sex--his girlfriend and I also bonded through the experience, I should add, and it was with her consent and encouragement. Even now, I still find myself drawn to this lover. When my boyfriend and I had an argument, I found myself heading to B's apartment. Even though I did my best to compose myself before I went in, he instantly knew something was wrong. It only took a light prod before I cried into his shoulder and told him what was going on. He knew precisely how to make me feel better, and within only a few minutes, I was smiling again--we spent the rest of the evening with his roommates, who never gave a sign that they had an inkling that I'd been upset when I came over.

Yet I find myself not attaching the term soul mate to the people to whom I have been a girlfriend. The term soul mate is, to me, far more permanent than the fleeting experience I have found romance to be. I have never loved falsely--each of my boyfriends have been given my heart (and I have had it broken more than once, I have mended it more than once). I have loved fully each of the men who has not been a soul mate, though not one of them has been a person who resonates so thoroughly with me that I know we will share an unshakable lifelong bond.
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